Lesion Removal

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After months of worrying about it getting bigger, I finally told my doctor about a lesion I had on my toe. I kept thinking, even though it was getting bigger, that it would go away. It wasn’t a mole on top of the skin, it was what looked like an ink smear, under the skin.

Finally I told my doc about it during a doctor’s visit about something unrelated. I wasn’t going to say anything, but on a whim I did. He got a good look at it and said it had to be removed. He didn’t like it. He didn’t think it was melanoma or anything, because it was a slow grower, but still wanted it taken out.

On May 28th I went into a dermatology place here in town on referral and they looked at it. They agreed it should be dug out. So on the spot that’s what they did. It was a 5.5cm black and brown lesion. They were really good about it. The worst was the shot to numb it. Holy cow! That lidocaine shot burned for almost a full minute before it numbed my toe. I had a few choice trucker words while it was kicking in lol… but once it kicked in, I felt absolutely nothing :D

They used a funky tool to dig in there and remove it. Once it was removed they cauterized it which was great. Not only has it kept it from bleeding (until today anyhow) but it kept it from hurting. Hasn’t hurt one bit.

Every day I’ve changed the bandaid as I was instructed, along with using an ointment on it. I’ve pretty much stayed off it as instructed as well, the tiny bits I’ve walked on it, I’ve used sandals and not sneakers.

Today I did walk some, about ten blocks total, in sandals and with the bandaid. I was stir crazy and wanted to walk some. When I got home though… it was bleeding. Right through the bandaid. First it’s done that in the last two weeks. I thought… shit… it was too soon.

Two bandaid changes later and it’s calmed down some. I suspect I dislodged the scab from it being cauterized. Ooops! Didn’t mean to. A bit worried that after two weeks it’s bleeding now though. So I’ll call tomorrow and ask about it.

I’ve never had anything like that done before so I don’t know what is normal.

No results back yet from the testing of what they took off my toe. Hopefully I’ll hear on that soon. My generalized anxiety disorder is going a bit bonkers over it. I’m sure it’s fine though.

-M

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Latuda…

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I’m coming off Latuda now, for this exact reason. I talked with my doctor about it and she agreed, to let me come off this medication. For months now I’ve had depressive issues and suicidal ideation linked to this medication. Amazing they prescribe this schizophrenia medication for bipolar when so many end up with problems like this. Of course it isn’t listed on their official website, yet if you start digging around online you end up finding many people end up suicidal on Latuda. It’s not a bipolar medication! Yet they are advertising it for just that. Even in the adverts it lists suicidal ideation under the “side effects” yet encourage doctors to prescribe it anyhow.  Anything for money!

-M

Not Again

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Another one? I read earlier that Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. It just keeps happening. People are always like, oh it’s just a celebrity problem and I’m like, MY ASS. It’s happening all over the country. From teens all the way to the elderly. The teens to thirties group is the worst now followed by the forty to sixty range. And no body wants to to anything about it. Just blame the person when it happens. I have never understood how so many can just ignore or pretend there isn’t a problem when it’s SO huge and so apparent.
I just don’t get it and that frustrates the fuck out of me.
-M

Books

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Books are fantastic. I still like the feel of curling up with my reading light on and Bronte curled at my feet… and a book in my hands to read in the evening. So many adventures, stories, characters… I like movies too but it’s just not the same. I get a lot more of an investment into a character by reading the book. You know what they are thinking, etc. I was an early reader and I read my first scary book, Stephen King of course, at eleven and a half.Pet Semetary. I still remember it because I was home alone and turned out all the lights but one haha. It was SO much fun. At that age, Dad said I read the book in two and a half days. Crazy! I think I was destined to be a huge book fan my entire life. I hope they never go away and that down the road they get the kind of popularity that LP’s are again getting. Books should never go out of style…
-M

It’s Working Again

I’m finally back! After the computer being down over a month we finally have the new hard drive running. James was a star! He got it in, windows on it and everything going in less than three hours. He really was fantastic with it all.
I didn’t realize how much I missed not being on the pc until it was gone. I’ve been reinstalling stuff I use, starting a new game of Sims 4 so I can start a funny storyline on FB again, writing a blog entry, pulling stuff off the old drive that we put as a slave for now, etc. It’s so great :D
I have a lot to catch up on here today, so there will be more entries as the day goes on.
-M

Same Old Harry

Did my usual check day stuff. I went and got a lemonade at the FinishLine, then grabbed a sanga at Subway.
I then went to the bank. While there, Harry and his mom showed up. He sort of hung back so I broke the ice. Why not? Who says we can’t be acquaintances?
We kind of chit chatted while I waited for my stuff. He said he was doing good, which was good to hear. It was nice to see him. I don’t hate him. I can’t hate someone who’s so ill. I just can’t be around him.
Later, I saw his Mom take care of his stuff at Tower Loan. He hid in the car… on the next block. LOL. Too chicken to face up to the mess he made there with that girl. Tough talk, yet gets Mom to do the work. Same old Harry lol…
-M

Just Writing

I’m sitting in the gazebo across from my block, just hanging out for a bit. It’s nice and warm. Finally the leaves are starting to appear on the trees and blossoms as well. Lots of birds and squirrels too.
I went to DFS and finally turned in my renewal form. I have to stop back tomorrow with a bank statement. She said as of now I still have my Medicaid. That was SO good to hear. I was worrying to much about it. I thought it was out. I was really worried about my meds. I don’t want to miss any with things going so well right now.
Went to the library afterwards and ran into Kenny (Hey look! It’s Kenny!). I haven’t seen him in a while. He looked a little rough and a little worn but okay. He’s still fighting for SSDI, but it sounds like he might finally get it. I hope he does, he really is one that should be on it. We talked a bit about the Harry thing but I refuse to dig on him because he’s so sick. Can’t be mad at him for that either. Kenny agreed Harry needs and incredible amount of help but may never get it sadly.
It was nice to catch up with him. I don’t miss the old crowd but it IS nice to say hi once in a while.
-M